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Stream of Consciousness
Queen of the World as I know it
1st-Jan-2008 02:31 pm(no subject)
 Welcome 2008!  I hope this a good and successful year for me and my own.  

Last night Jeremy and I went to silverlily81's and speedball's house and it was grand, of course.  I found out that I am quite perverted!  Third most perverted of those that played last night.  What a freaking SHOCK!!!  But it's all good.  =)

Learned a lot more about some than I ever wanted to know and was quite surprised by a lot of the truths told.  All in good fun!!!

We bought our very first video camera today!  Thanks to my preschool classes lovely gift cards to SCP and the gift money from Dad.  YAY!!!  We get to record our life for posterity.  Not that posterity is interested, but you know...  just in case.

31st-Dec-2007 10:05 am(no subject)
Perfect sunset
 So I TRIED to sleep in today.  I even stayed up late (12 IS late ok!) and took a sleeping pill so I could sleep longer.  It didn't work.  I still got up at 8:30.  It's a little bit of an improvement over 6:30/7, but it's not enough to keep me going until well after midnight.  I will have to nap.

Looking for something to do this morning I went out the the family room and found an old box of Mom's stuff that had not been gone through yet.  So I picked up something and started digging through it.  It ended up being a bag of cards and keepsakes from my parents' wedding.  Most of it is trash as the people who sent the cards lost touch long ago and so generic it's pathetic.  But I did find some real treasures. Mom and Dad's "thing" was to write little love note to each other on napkins.  I have found some that are from before they got married and this bundle had a few written on their wedding napkins.  I also found a birthday card for my dad from my mom with some really beautiful sentiments on it, and a card mom gave dad after their first official date.  I thought it was so cute!!!  Another treasure is the card that I think Matt (brother) made for the wedding.  It has the words "Roy" and "Dad" on it with a few extra letters.  That's why I think it was Matt  Matt was almost 5 when they got married.  Erich was nearly 9, so I'm pretty sure it wasn't him.  =)  Another card I found (and this is the most ironic) is a card congratulating Mom and Dad on getting married from Dad's current girlfriend and her ex-husband.  I have always been suspicious that there was (or at least had been) a card of this sort somewhere and I found it!!!  I'm debating whether or not to show them.  I think it's funny, but they might not.  After all, both of those marriages are now over, and not happy endings either!  But Carol did say in the card that she looked forward to meeting Erich and Matthew!  Well, she's definitely met them now!!!  LOL...

Anyway... things to do before going to Mrya's for the party tonight...  1. send mail (I have a book to send out from PaperbackSwap)  2. choose outfit for tonight and make sure it's clean   3. go down to dad's and feed and walk the dogs.    Then it's Par-tay time!!!!

Oh... I guess I should mention for the record... we bought Guitar Hero I II and III and 2 guitars.  It's what we bought with our Christmas money.  We are also trying to buy a video camera.  There's one we really like, but there are some complications with getting it.  The only way we can afford it is to buy it from the Sears at South Coast Plaza on sale before 1/5 (I have a gift card that only works at SCP).  They're out of stock and can't order to get any in, because it's on sale!  They get shipments in on Tuesday and Thursday which is great, except I want it NOW and there's no promise that it will come in on those shipments.  So I'm thinking we go to another Sears, buy it on credit, take it back to SCP Sears and return it, then turn around and buy it again with the gift card I have for SCP.  Not really very ethical, but then again, I'm not doing anything wrong.  They don't have it.  I'm bringing it to them and then buying it with MY method of payment!  That's ok right??

Sorry for the long rambling post.  Jeremy's asleep and I'm bored.  =)  But I'm going to let him sleep as long as he wants.  At least one of us can sleep in.  D.=
21st-Dec-2007 06:25 am(no subject)
Today is the last day of school for 2 weeks!!! Yippie skippie!!!! Jeremy made tentative plans with Myra to have Team Onstad come to our house tonight for some fun relaxing time together. It will be fun if it happens but we're all tired and busy so *shrug* who knows. I'd love them to come, but I don't know if they'll be up to it. And that's fine too!

AOKP is on a break for the Hols and will resume after the new year. We all need the break I think.

It's basically been SSDD since my last post. I did however have a complete... fit (i guess that the word) on Wed. I was having a shitty day in general plus I was really tired and getting stressed about Christmas and I lost control over my emotions. I got really pissed and took it out on the only person that would take it without serious repercussions, Jeremy. I snapped at every attempt he made to be civil, and ignored him the rest of the time as I banged around the house during my 20 minutes of free time for the entire day. Jeremy has those too. We call him Frank when he does that because it's his middle name and he's not really acting like Jeremy. Anyway, we have now named MY alter ego similarly. My middle name before I got married was Joy and I hate it. Anyway, that's the name of my pissed-off-beyond-reason self. A cleaver euphemism we both had a giggle over.

Now it's time for work. Last day, last day....
7th-Dec-2007 07:00 am - I can has Health?

I don't even remember the last time I posted so I don't know where to begin.  Monday was Jeremy's 27th birthday.  Everytime he has a birthday I start feeling older.  I know my age, but his seems more important somehow.  Anyway... needless to say I am NOT where I had planned on being by the time I was 25, let alone Jeremy being 27 and we're not in the planned zone.  It's annoying and a bit depressing to have set such attainable and reachable goals only to have them flaunted before you when you've failed.  I guess failed is too strong a word.  Majorly delayed.  Yes, that's true enough.  *sigh*

Tangent, sorry.  Jeremy's birthday celebration is tonight.  Dad's taking us to dinner at the Yacht Club then we're coming back here to have cake and coffee with EPJ.  Then if we still have the energy we need to trot our happy butts up to Fullerton for Game Night.  All of this while running (for me) on less that 6 hours of sleep and feeling under the weather.  (Speaking of weather, it's raining!!!!  For the second Friday in a row!!!  YAYAY!!!!)

So health wise, I am not doing too well.  As is common practice for me, I got sick at Thanksgiving.  A simple cold really.  Nothing too bad.  But last weekend I also came down with the Stomache flu.  In all my glory *enter puking sound effect here* I was mostly miserable all weekend.  Of course with any illnes I get comes the accompanying sinus congestion.  This time it decided to lodge itself firmly in my upper sinus cavity which means *drumroll please.............*  an ear infection.  YAY!!!!  I've lost the majority of my hearing in my right ear due to a mis-shapen Eustasun (sp? and I'm too lazy to look it up) Tube and said upper sinus infection.  I'm taking some pretty hefty antibiotics (and I usually turn down antibiotics so I don't build up immunity) and I'm waiting for them to work.  A tiny bit of progress has been made in that I can get the ear to crackle but not pop all the way.  So I'm partially deaf.  You'd think working with kids that would be a good thing, but it's just annoying because it doesn't block out sound, it just slurs it all together.  So I'm hearing very loud mummbling instead of any fights of conflicts going on.  It's special!

Gotta go now!  Bye!

26th-Nov-2007 06:29 am(no subject)
 Well, good morning!  I hate that it's Monday, which means I have to end my 5 day holiday, but as long as I'm going back to work I'm glad it's a Monday which means I only work until 1 not 5.  =)  And today we begin the Christmas curriculum.  I only have the kids 12 times before Christmas.  Crazy!

Thanksgiving was such a subdued affair I feel like it didn't happen.  I cooked Pearl Onions and Peas, Yams and Pumpkin pie.  Dad did the Turkey, stuffing and a green salad (with fruit).  Pachi did the mashed potatoes, fat potates, and Apple pie.  Jeremy did the gravy on the spot, and it was all eaten.   Then Josh decided to through a fit over nothing and ruined the mood.  He is such a pill.  I hope I'm never blinded to how my children behave.  If they're little assholes like he is, then I hope someone has the balls to tell me so I can hopefully fix it!  *sigh*  but that's a whole different journal entry right there!

So last Friday (the one when I went to Cory's for Rhi and Carisse's birthdays) I bought myself a copy of Twilight the new vampire series for teens that I've been hearing so much about.  I really didn't get a chance to get into it until Wed.  I finished the 450 page book by Friday morning.  It took me 2 days to read it!  I could hardly put it down.  But I did play a bit of Sims2 in there too.  Oh and Wed I spent some time in bed napping too.  SOOOO good!  A really good book.  Needless to say I went out and bought New Moon which is the sequal that same day.  I'm currently reading it, but with the work week here, I'm sure I won't have nearly that kind of availability to reading.  But yay!!!  READING!!!!

Yes, as is traditional I got sick around Thanksgiving.  I got a cold on Monday the worst day was Tuesday (which I worked) and then started recovering on Wed-Sat.  Sunday I felt normal again, but just lazy and lethargic so when it came time to go to Privvy, I didn't feel up to it.  Jeremy didn't either, and he actually brought up not going.  I was going to go if he wanted to.  So I stayed home and Sims2-ed and read instead.

My cereal is getting soggy, so I better eat it.  *waves*  Ciao!
18th-Nov-2007 06:49 am - The Road of Good Intentions
ronicus explodicus
Yeah  ok, the fasting thing...  uh... good intentions... BAD idea.  My body had a total collapse last night around 6.  Huge headache, nausea, body shakes, restlessness, oooh it was bad.  So I broke down and ate some pretzels.  It took me probably 20 minutes to eat a small bag.  I felt a llittle bit better, but still very weak and shaky.  So Jeremy said I had to eat something small.  He made me some soup which tasted and felt SOOOOO good.  I ate it too fast and it came back to tell me so almost instantly.  *sigh*

So after the nausea subsidded I tried the rest of the soup and it stayed down.  I went to bed and slept for a little bit more, woke up hungry at 9:30.  Had some chips and some more pretzels and went back to sleep.

This morning I feel fine!  I'm looking forward to breakfast.  But I'm starting with some water.  =)

Myra, I'd like to try that cleansing thing.  But from now on: 1 big glass of water first thing in the morning, and only 1 caffinated beverage a week.  I'll probably save it for Fridays, as AOKP keeps me out late on Thursday nights.  =)

Thanks for all of the support guys.  And I truely appreciate no one trying to talk me out of it.  I know myself well enough to know that would have made me more determined and stubborn against eating.  *shakes head*  I'm waaaaay too competitive.

Breakfast time!  Ciao!
17th-Nov-2007 07:56 am(no subject)
 This weekend:

Coming into this weekend I had every intention of sitting on my fat ass and playing Sims 2 or Oblivion until my eyes crossed.  Well that fell through because I need to reinstall all of the Sims 2 EPs and all of my copies are loaned out.  I arranged to get them back and he didn't follow through. *is annoyed*  I was hoping to use this as a tool to distract my self from being hungry.

Instead, I think I might go to Disneyland for some one on one time with myself.  I have my pass and have only used it once.  I have the money to upgrade it to premium.  And Disneyland might be a very good hunger distraction.  Then again, Disney munchies are the BEST and I might be fooling myself about my level of will power.

In any case this weekend will culminate with my very fisrt Privvy council on Sunday evening!  YAY!!!  Huzzah for that!
5th-Nov-2007 04:53 pm - New shiney for teh Joslyn
 So I woke up this morning and went to my computer for my usual 30 minutes of computing before getting ready for work and my monitor decided to die today.  RIP HP Monitor.  It was a good monitor.  It lasted 7 years, 2 colleges, and many many moves.  So we went to Best Buy and bought a 19" flat widescreen.  It's purdy.  I likes it.

So now I have even more space on my desk to devote to crap!  I am SOOO bad about cluttering up my desk.  And now it will only get worse.  Joy!

AND... Myra dropped the bomb that we have a written test on Warwickain stuff on Thursday!  Ok, joslyn = worried.  I don't have time for this.  I have Parent Teacher conferences on Wed.  Not to mention pressure at work and the insane distraction of not having a car.  You never really notice how inconvienent it can be not to have a car until you don't have it.  Can I reschedule?  Can I call in sick?  What happens if I fail?

Plus I'm supposed to be lesson planning for Nov. and Dec. right now, and I don't wanna!  *pfffft!*  *waves dejectedly* bye
29th-Oct-2007 11:39 pm - I can has stress?

Yes, apparently I can.  In spades.  Now I know everything is going to be highly exaggerated and over-dramatized in this post because it is nearly midnight and I haven't been sleeping well for a few days, but that's precisely the point.  I can't sleep, so I'm always tired and can't get anything truely accomplished that needs to get done.

I am having a lot of fun with AOKP but I wonder if it's taking too much of my time and energy.  I like haning out with the people and learning all the junk, but there has to be a RL balance and I'm not finding it.  I feel like I can't do my job well because I am not focusing any of my creative juices or even mental energy into planning or assessing.  I have guilt over that and I stay awake hearing me scolding myself echoing in my head as I'm trying to fall asleep.

I also am constantly aware of how ill-prepared I really am to take care of a baby and thang God that He knows better than to give me want I want rather than what I need.  I have a LOT of things that need my attention here at the house esspecially in light of EPJ moving out, but not only do I not have the knowledge or the resources to fix what's wrong, I don't have the energy.

Today for instance would have been a great day to attempt to fix the glogged pipe so we can do laundry/dishes/use the kitchen sink, but instead I took a nap (much needed) and sewed the beginnings of our page class banner.

I desperately need to get my health under control, but have so much emotional baggage to go through I know there will be an upheaval before any improvements get made.

And on top of it all my spirituality is suffering because I'm losing sight of what my purpose is here on earth.  What I really need (in my humble and selfish opinion) is a lot of money to sort out what's nawing at me, and a great big dose of perspective.  Neither one I truely have the ability to provide for myself.

Soon Jeremy and I will be back into a routine of walking together at night, and eating healthier.  I think those 2 things alone will make drastic improvements in my physical, mental and emotional health.  

This weekend could be very full.  Friday is Game night (I think we'll skip this one), Saturday there is a party that night (we're skipping this too) and then Sunday is HP Disneyland Day which I forsee as a cause of much ad\ggrivation and frustration for me.  I know that I simply have to let it go and realize there will be problems and it's not my fault and no, I can't fix them and make everyone happy.  I need to set some reasonable goals and expectations for that day and not get my hopes up too high.  For example: my costume won't be perfect but if people get the general idea, I've succeeded.  I'm going to be at Disneyland, go on a few rides and enjoy it!  Don't spend too much time dwelling on how the last time I was there was with Mom (12-20-05) and she will never again be there to scream on Splash with me, or talk my ear off about flowers.  I will enojy the company of those who I get to hang with, and not pout about not being the 1 and only person people want to hang out with.  It's enough that I have Jeremy for that.

Tomorrow evening I will call Dad and ask him to come get me at work and teach me how to snake the main pipeline and fix it.  Wednesday is Feaste food buying and Page Banner completion night.  Thursday isKnott's day for work and Page's Feaste with quest completion to relieve that mental burden.  Friday is normal with no evening plans.  This weekend make some more steps towards finishing the list of chores from last weekend.  

I can handle that.  Now I all I need to do is sleep.

27th-Oct-2007 08:45 am(no subject)
 Ok, I guess it's been too long to ignore.  I need an update.

Work has been steady recently.  Same old grind.  Until yesterday.  Yesterday was the "fall festival."  We can't celebrate Halloween in name because as a Christian institution the parents might not agree with the approach to representation of afterlife and blah blah blah...  I understand it, but I think it's lame.  Anyway, so Jeremy and I were assigned the task of creating a "Creepy Messy Room" because we can't have a haunted house or anything like that.  So I came up with a few things we could do.  Like bowls of different slimy concoctions to feel (human organs (flubber), mucus (cornstarch and water), jello molded into a brain and a hand, cooked oily spaghetti noodles, and plastic spiders in baby oil.  That was fun but my hands are all dried out from how many times I washed them yesterday.  We also had a table with a bunch of objects under towels and you have to lift the towel and discover what the item is.  The last item on the table is a person's head that screams at the when they lift the towel.  We got some of the kids really scared!  No one cried though which is nice!  And the bosses LOVED our room.  We did a great job!  AND I got an hour of overtime yesterday.  It rocked!!!  

But oh my goodness here come the Hols.  I can't remember feeling this unprepared for the holidays ever!  I want to get really into them and celebrate big time, but we A) can't afford it and B) don't have the time to do much.  Oh well, what will be, will be.

AOKP rules my life!  And I mean that affectionately.  I wish I could drop everything else and do AOKP stuff all the time.  Make garb, make weapons, learn melee, learn history, go on quests, complete quests, plan fundraisers, plan feastes, make a class banner, go to court, advance plots.  It's the stuff fun is made of.  How did I find entertainment before AOKP?  I'm definitely setting myself up to be a lifer.  We will never move house, so we'll always be local.  I can't wait to have little AOKP babies.  Lol...

Speaking of babies, rustedsigns offspring has officially stolen my heart.  Someone should tell Jeremy.  Last night at the unofficial, not-so-mini game night I held her more than I did anything else and she fell asleep in my arms.  I don't know what God's playing at, but it's nearly torture to want something so badly only to be teased by so many around you having one.  This is going to sound emo and mean, but that's really not how I feel.  Kinda.  I dunno.  Ok, Regina never wanted kids period.  She had Adrian 18 months ago, her bouncing baby boy, and now she's preggers with a sweet little girl.  One of each!   How does someone who never wanted kids get the perfect nuclear family?!  I tell ya, it's not fair!  And then there's Shannon.  Sister to my best friend.  Didn't mean to get pregnant, not in the perfect place in life to have a baby, and here she finds herself with a beautiful healthy boy.  *waves hand frantically at God*  HELLO....  I'm waiting!!!!

le sigh, on the other hand, since I don't have a baby, now is the perfect time to get all those things in life done that I need to before the baby brewing starts.  Get the house in order, get my health in order, get our careers in order, get some good playing and enjoyment of marriage in.  Which I'm doing, or at least trying to.  But why must I work at the unpleasant things to have the ones I actually want.  How does THAT make things easier?

OK, life beacons.  Ciao!
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